he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I need water and some morals
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
