All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
