Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
