Who wears a wallet chain?!
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
