dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
