btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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