I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
