i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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