So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
