You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
