No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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