Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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