so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
