Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Randomize
