Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
