Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
