GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
