I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
