is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
