jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
