i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
A bitchslap is in order.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
