operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
