cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
