is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
