I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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