On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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