"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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