There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i think my mom watched the whole time
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
