Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
