Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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