It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
