bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
