I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
