Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
