I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
