listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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