Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
