I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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