So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
no, he came in my armpit
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
