Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
