he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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