Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
