my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
