The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
