Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
