totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
