yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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