Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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