exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
