so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize