Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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