Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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