He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
