So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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