shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
don't judge my taste in strippers
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize