At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
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