sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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