just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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