he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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