Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
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