You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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