I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
