I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
