operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize