It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Randomize
