how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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