billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
