Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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