i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Best friends brother. Beat that.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize