literally had 100 drinks last night.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
