and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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